“I’ve never felt so alone…”
His head bent, his words halting, the recent widower could say no more, and covered his face with his hands, weeping.
Haven’t we all been there? Feeling alone driving in the car, alone at dinner, alone sitting at church, and the very worst, alone at night in bed. Craving the sweet feeling of warmth next to us as we sleep – but knowing it is gone forever.
When we have lost a life’s companion, we can feel more alone than we ever have before. As one widow put it, “I feel like half a person – and I can’t function.”
We weren’t meant to be alone. In Genesis 2:18 we read, “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Couples are part of the Heavenly plan.
So why are we alone now? Many widows and widowers question, why would God allow this to happen if even He said it is not good to be alone?
I have found that the ‘why’ questions do no good. I don’t know that we will ever know the answers. But I have found questions that do help – and that lead to comfort, and peace – and, eventually, healing.
“What am I to do now?” is the question I began asking once I realized that asking “why” was pretty useless. And answers began to come.
One of the first was, “Find support!” And, looking back, I realize that the support that surrounded me through those dark first days, weeks, and months was my lifeline.
Where do you find support?
Make sure you find someone who has grieved before – who will not think you’re crazy when you express some of the feelings you are having. Think through the people you know – is there anyone who has lost a loved one before? Look carefully at the circle of people that have been brought into your life recently, and see if you haven’t been brought a friend just for this time. I found that to be true during my deepest moments of grief.
Also, you might consider a grief group. These can be extremely valuable, as everyone there can empathize with what you are going through, and you receive great instruction, plus there is time to share, to vent if you want to, and to receive that support that only others who understand what you are going through can give you.
If you are presently looking for a group, a wonderful counselor in Bountiful, Utah, Becky Andrews, has a 12-week group for those who have lost a spouse starting tonight. She is excellent at listening; at caring; and at helping people through what can be the turbulent, dark, and confusing grieving process.
Check out her website – and if you feel it might be a good fit for you, give her a call. You will be glad you did.
Becky Andrews, LPC, CT
Individual, Marriage & Family Therapist
I close with one of my favorite quotes that Becky shared with me today:
The human being is born with an incurable capacity for making the best of things. Helen Keller
May you be blessed with the support you need as you strive to make the best of a very difficult place in life!
With hope for your healing,